rocky41_7

I’m obsessed it’s like

Nerdanel is the only person Feanor has ever felt understood by and

Nerdanel knows she can be her complete messiest ugliest worst self in front of Feanor and he will still love her and think well of her and

They are partners and creators and they are loud and unapologetic even when maybe they should be and

They created this whole family together out of love and joy and they raised seven children together and

Being with Nerdanel makes Feanor feel calm but also like he belongs and less like the entire world is against him and like he doesn’t have to tone himself down or be softer or gentler and

Being with Feanor makes Nerdanel feel like everything is possible and no obstacle is insurmountable and she always has someone at her back and with him she sees the world in totally new ways and

They walked hand-in-hand for maybe thousands of years and Feanor was the crown prince and Nerdanel was no great beauty and he could have chosen maybe anybody but he wanted her and he knew it so soon and

Nerdanel was the only person to ever make Feanor change his mind and hers was the only counsel he took and he must have respected her so much for that and

They had all of these beautiful wonderful things and Feanor broke them, he broke them all because Melkor took all his greatness and made him into a wrecking ball; he killed his mother and now his father and in his grief he will take all of the Noldor down with him; he implodes in on himself like a dying star and takes so many of the rest of them with him and

(It was the least surprising thing on earth when Nerdanel heard that Feanor had died in a burst of flame) and

He spends the next Age watching the ripples of his actions destroy everyone and everything he loved; watches his words turn his children into the worst monsters of Elvenkind; watches the splinters of the Noldor in Aman try to put the broken bits of their society back together; watches his brother desperately try to hold together the remnants of the family and knows it’s his fault it’s his fault he’s done this even if he never meant to and everyone else has to live with it and

Nerdanel is left behind in Tirion refusing to join on this plan and she can’t stop her children because they’re all adults and they want to go with dad and she watches Feanor collapsing on himself and destroying everything around him and she so desperately wants to pull him back but this time he won’t listen this time she can’t save him from himself and she can’t save anyone else from his ground zero she just sits in an empty house and listens to the echoes of that explosion for centuries and centuries after and thinks the Elf she loved is the same one who did all this and

Nerdanel wants to hate him she wants to so bad she smashes his things and screams at him in the house where she lives alone and melts her wedding ring and says she never should have married him but she also knows it wouldn’t hurt this much if she hadn’t loved him with her whole heart and then lost him to the worst of his demons and

Maybe someday those children come back and she can hold them and weep and try to patch their wounds together and despite everything each of them reminds her of him in their own way because these children she loves so much are both of them (and their own people too) and

If they ever saw each other again what can they say? What on earth can they say? Thousand and thousands of years after all this happened and they’ve both been watching the consequences of it fan out across the universe all this time, what do they say?

What do they say?