rocky41_7

I am definitely not going to finish my library system’s summer book bingo because I apparently never read anything I could even remotely stretch to fit the “soothing” square. Anyway, on Monday night I finished An Unkindness of Ghosts by Rivers Solomon.

This book takes place on a vast spaceship traveling for centuries, but the core of its story is an examination of racism and inequality. The dynamics between citizens of the upper decks of the ship and those from the lower decks is an allegory for the antebellum South, with the light-skinned upper deck citizens convinced of the moral necessity of their superiority over the dark-skinned lower deck citizens. Protagonist Aster and her friends and family aren’t slaves in name, but in practicality, they are.

Solomon excels in showing the myriad ways, large and small, that this dynamic breaks down Aster and those like her, particularly Aster’s companion Giselle. There’s scarcely a moment of Aster’s life where she’s allowed to forget “her place” and the constant stress of this wears on her. Aster is very intelligent, but none of that matters in a world where one look at her convinces people in power that she’s worthless.

I found Solomon’s writing engaging and her characters realistic. You may not like all of them, but they all feel like real people, and plausible products of the harsh lives they’ve been forced to live. When they behaved irrationally, it felt earned and real. When they were victorious, it felt like the story had provided enough support to back that.

Also at the core of the story is the passing down of information, stories, and traditions, which not only give Aster solace when times are difficult, but also guide her to the revelations she makes later in the book.

This is Solomon’s first book, and I do think it shows in some clumsy editing and dropped threads, but overall I think the book is a creative exploration of social dynamics with interesting characters and solid writing. If Solomon improves from here, I look forward to seeing what else they put out!

Current Mood: hungry

I think we are winding down the “Women in Translation” rec list! Or at least, what’s left of it is significant outnumbered by the other things now on my TBR. But last night I finished We Had to Remove This Post by Hannah Bervoets, translated from Dutch by Emma Rault. This novella was book #19 from the list, and is about a woman who works as a content reviewer for a big social media corporation.

This book rockets by; it’s only 134 small pages, so things devolve quickly. The meat of the story is about the impact of the job on the protagonist, Kayleigh, and her coworkers, as narrated by Kayleigh to an attorney in the aftermath of the job.

I think the book could have benefitted from being a big longer, giving us some more time to get to know Kayleigh and her comrades at the start, but assuming they were all relatively normal people when they began, you get a pretty grim picture of their constant exposure to the utter dregs of the internet changes them.

One guy comes in with a taser one day to threaten a manager who gave him too low a ranking on his accuracy in deciding whether posts stay up or not. He’s back at work days later. Another worker, not long out of high school, becomes a flat earth conspiracist after reviewing their videos day in and day out. Holocaust denial starts sprouting among them. They drink, they smoke, the jokes they share amongst each other become increasingly dark and echo the language they see in the posts they review.

A lot of the impact is filtered through the lens of Kayleigh’s relationship with one of her coworkers, Sigrid. Kayleigh and Sigrid’s differing views on their relationship becomes a significant point of contention as the book progresses. As Sigrid turns to increasingly ridiculous solutions to the obvious trauma the job is inflicting on them (she’s convinced powdered supplements and going to bed at 7:30 can turn things around), Kayleigh continues to cling to Sigrid as a buoy, past the point of rationality.

It opens up a necessary conversation about the impact of jobs in content moderation. We started with a group of people who were, presumably, relatively normal, and watch how their sense of logic is eroded both by constant exposure to violence and conspiracies, as well as secondary trauma.

It also toys heavily with the unreliability of our own perception: who is more right about their relationship, Kayleigh or Sigrid? Is there a “true” answer, or only each of their increasingly disparate realities? It plays into the book's overall themes on censorship and viewpoint. Who decides? Who's version of truth is true? The hairsplitting minutia that govern the rules on what the moderators should or shouldn't leave up recur again and again; late in the story, Sigrid and Kayleigh argue over their own sex tape, about whether it would be taken down for sexual coercion or not.

I would have liked a longer book with a deeper dive into the characters and their descents, but the current length keeps the book punchy, if it leaves you with questions. As more and more of life goes online, what is the best way to handle content moderation? Because this book definitely portrays the existing system as untenable.

A+ Library is my bit where I review books with asexual and aromantic characters.

Once again managed to time things so that I finished both of my books on the same day…no idea how this keeps happening. Hours after wrapping up Sarah Gailey’s The Echo Wife, I also finished Mieko Kawakami’s Breasts and Eggs, translated from Japanese by David Boyd and Sam Bett.

The book is divided into two parts. The first part, which is roughly a third of the novel, takes place over only three days. Natsuko Natsume is in her early thirties and lost for direction when her older sister arrives to spend a couple of nights with Natsuko, bringing along her twelve-year-old daughter Midoriko, who has refused to speak a word to her mother for the last six months.

The character: Natsuko Natsume, asexual
The verdict: Thumbs up
Previous entry: Someone You Can Build a Nest In

The Asexual Rep

I didn’t expect for this book to be a part of this segment, because I didn’t know it could be. Natsuko and the narrative never use the word “asexual” to describe her, but when she talks about her feelings on sex, I recognized so much of my own there it was impossible not to feel that she is.

Discussions of Natsuko’s sexuality don’t really arise until the second part of the book, and it’s never a huge focus, except as it ties into her goal of having a baby. Natsuko decides in her late thirties that she wants to be a mother, but she’s so repulsed by sex she isn’t sure how to go about it, because the usual method is completely off the table for her.

Natsuko’s only ever had one partner, a boyfriend she met in high school and dated through her early twenties. She seems to have been deeply in love with him, and they did have sex, but Natsuko describes her revulsion about having sex with him and how shocked she is when her friends appear to genuinely enjoy sex with their partners (“Even more than once a day!” she emphasizes). Natsuko’s dislike of sex is not because she doesn’t love her boyfriend or because there’s something wrong with him; it’s inherent to her experience. Eventually, Natsuko’s disinterest in sex leads to the end of this relationship, and she simply never pursues another.

Sex simply never really enters Natsuko’s calculus. She occasionally wonders if something is wrong with her, but ultimately refuses to put herself through something she doesn’t want to do to test it.

I found Natsuko’s feelings very relatable and her experience resonated a lot with me, even though she never labels herself (and since the book starts in 2008, that’s not unusual).

The Rest

The opening part really impressed me. Kawakami does a fabulous job keeping this simmering tension throughout, which at times fades into the background until it’s almost gone, and other times verges on boiling over. It’s obvious all three of these characters are deeply unhappy and the reasons for this and the way these things interact with each other is so fascinating. It’s a very realistic portrait of people who are trying their best, but mostly seem to be treading water in life, and not even managing that particularly well.

Although it spans only a short period of time, this section never feels drawn-out; it moves along at an engaging pace and provides the right level of detail and introspection to give you a full picture of the trio’s dynamic.

Kawakami kicks off with a theme of generational poverty and its impacts, which carries on through the rest of the book as well. Natsuko and her sister Makiko were raised in significant poverty and are still struggling with the impacts of that. Kawakami succeeds in showing the strain that such poverty puts on both individuals and relationships, how hard it is for anyone to be their best self when every day feels like a fight for survival. And yet, they are trying, and the love between the trio here is unmistakable.

The second part of the novel, which is much longer, is mostly just about Natsuko. Leading with the fact that I also enjoyed this section, it’s not as tight as the first third. Its focus is wider and it follows a lot more of Natsuko’s wandering journey towards a future she finds satisfying. Kawakami continues to excel in portraying the quiet messiness of people and their relationships and their daily struggles.

The book is filled with a sense of quiet desperation, which may have worn on me a little and resulted in the second part of the book feeling harder to get through. There’s a lot of cynicism among the characters, but it is deserved based on their experiences. Nevertheless, I think it does ultimately come around to a very hopeful place about seizing the future that you want and the necessity of taking risks to attain your dreams.

On the whole I was impressed with Kawakami’s writing and I would definitely look at more from her in the future.

I follow the queer-reads-bracket on tumblr and this summer they did a poll bracket of queer nonfiction, which gave me the opportunity to add quite a few queer nonfiction reads to my TBR. Last night I finished the first of these, which was Her Neighbor’s Wife: A History of Lesbian Desire within Marriage by Lauren Jae Gutterman.

First, to dispel any fears of polysexual erasure—the book is not exclusive of bisexual women, but more on that below.

This book is an exploration of a history of female same-sex desire within seemingly-heterosexual marriages in America. It begins in the 40s and 50s and uses interviews, correspondence, and queer literature of the time to chronicle this sociological phenomenon.

This book was a fascinating study; I really enjoyed it. It really digs into how “wives who desired women” (its terminology) handled their attraction to other women. In many cases, this meant carrying on prolonged affairs, sometimes for decades a time, without their husbands’ awareness (“You’d be surprised what goes on when the men have left for work,” reported one woman). In other instances, men were tacitly aware of what their wives were doing, but because the marriage advice of the time so stressed keeping the marriage together at all costs, they turned a blind eye. In other instances still, men openly made room for their wives’ female lovers, even allow them to live in the house. Some of these husbands were carrying on same-sex affairs of their own, but many were not.

We might have expected that wives in the 40s/50s would have had the worst time trying to manage their sexuality, but in some ways, because queerness was so taboo and so little understood at the time, they were more easily able to fly under the radar. As the book progresses to the 70s and 80s when the queer rights movement is in full swing, popular fears about secretly lesbian wives and dangerous bisexual women created in some ways a more volatile atmosphere for wives who desired women.

Gutterman discusses the many ways WLW reached out to each other at these periods, sharing excerpts from letters written to queer organizations of the times, and shows the lengths many of these women went to to contact others like them.

She also addresses some of the challenges beyond homophobia these women experienced—for instance, the different experiences of middle-class women and working class women, or of Black women and white women in seemingly similar situations (For instance, when white lesbians of the 70s and 80s were swearing total separation from men entirely, Black lesbians pushed back, unwilling to abandon Black men who were partners in the push for racial equality.) Some WLW wives or former wives struggled in lesbian spaces because they often came with their children, for whom there was little accommodation. Others faced hostility because of their association with men, particularly if they were not interested in divorcing their husbands.

Of course, as the queer rights movement progressed, wives became more willing to leave their husbands for their female lovers, a possibility which barely seemed to exist in the 40s and 50s. The rights movement also began to create awareness of bisexuality. In the earlier part of the book, Gutterman refers to “lesbians,” because that was the term in use at the time. It was not an either/or—women might refer to their “lesbian leanings” or “lesbian behaviors” rather than using lesbian as a label or identity. However, as cultural awareness of bisexuality—a genuine attraction to both sexes—grew, Gutterman works this language into the book as well, particularly as she digs into cultural perceptions of each.

I’m rambling, obviously, which I hope goes to show how interesting I found this book. It’s the first nonfiction queer history I’ve read and I was enthralled from start to finish. Gutterman does an excellent job with the subject material and it was so engaging to read about these women and the way they made room for their queerness in their lives in spite of so many societal factors working against them. It’s not a super long book—about 250 pages exclusive of the bibliography—and it’s so worth the read if you have any interest in American sociology or queer history.

I love watching Zhu's emotional/ethical journey.

For the first half of SWBTS, she's in survival mode. Most of her actions revolve around how well she's cleaving to Chongba's fate and thereby avoiding her own death. Once she realizes that's not necessary, she enters her "I do what I want" era, where she mostly acts like she's invincible. In both eras, but especially the latter, her attitude is marked by a real lack of empathy and disregard for the consequences of her actions on those around her. There's a reason she senses this aspect of herself might eventually get her into trouble, and that she needs Ma around to remind her not to become Chen Youliang. Yet even for Ma, one of the two people in the world (along with Xu Da) that Zhu genuinely cares for, she displays very little sympathy. Ma's emotions are usually a source of quiet amusement for Zhu, even when Ma is genuinely distressed. It takes her quite a while to even grasp that seeing Ma and Xu Da suffer might be unpleasant, even if it doesn't practically impact Zhu.

Then we enter the third era, in the second half of HWDTW--the post-Xu Da era. Zhu's illusion of her own invincibility is shattered, not through her own death, but through that of her beloved brother-in-arms. This loss marks a profound shift in Zhu's attitude towards the world and the people in it.

At the end of SWBTS, Zhu cheerfully commits child murder because she needs the Radiance Prince out of the way to legitimize herself. When Ma confronts her in grief and rage, Zhu all but brushes her feelings off.

Consider the differences between Zhu and Ma's infiltration of Bianliang at the start of HWTDW and their infiltration of Dadu at the end. In both instances, Zhu is delighted and excited by the prospect of a little subterfuge to get her closer to her goal. In both instances, Ma is terrified but steeling herself to do what's necessary. And in both instances, things go awry.

In Bianliang, even as the city burns and Zhu realizes her intended ally--Ouyang--has been overthrown, and Ma is now at the mercy of Ouyang's resentful ousters, Zhu is still, for the most part, having fun.

"For a moment, Zhu felt a pang at the thought of what Ma might face until Zhu found a way to rescue her. She was well aware that Ma had agreed to participate only because Zhu had promised her it would be risk-free. But there was no point feeling bad about it. Zhu cleared her mind, pleased by how easily she could set aside the distraction." (He Who Drowned the World, Chapter 4)

She has a few flickers of concern when things get really sketchy, but she easily shrugs them off, and the moment she knows Ma is alive--regardless of her condition--those concerns are totally put to bed.

"'Ah, he's always so useful!' she said brightly, unlocking Ma's cell and giving her a brief embrace as she rushed out. Her pang of concern was long gone, so Ma's sob of relief filled her with fond amusement. She savored the moment: it was sweet with all the pleasure and anticipation of knowing she'd won, and all that was left was for the inevitable to unfold." (Chapter 4)

In Dadu, it's not so easy. Zhu spends a lot of time worrying about what's happening with Ma, how the Great Khan is treating her, how the Empress is treating her, and when even minor things go sideways, Zhu starts wondering, for the first time in this whole story, if her quest is worth the cost.

"Once upon a time, had it been necessary for what she wanted, Zhu thought she might have been able to watch unmoved while Ma cried out in pain. She probably would have prided herself on her strength that allowed her to endure what needed to be done. But that had been before she had seen Xu Da die in agony...every blow upon Ma's sobbing body seemed to hit Zhu's heart." (Chapter 22)

She sympathizes with Madame Zhang during the Empress' fights with the Great Khan; she worries about the effect having to commit a murder on her behalf has had on Ma.

"Zhu's memory of Ma's suffering was still painfully fresh. But the thought of Madame Zhang, waiting alone as she was made into the palace's fool, gave her a surprising pinch." (Chapter 22)

"Ma's eyes slid sideways to Zhu, full of grief, and Zhu sorrowed: not for Jiao, never, but for what she had made Ma do." (Chapter 23)

Their Dadu adventure, which is the culmination of Zhu's quest for greatness, is the first time we ever see Zhu cry, not out of her own pain, but because of something Ma says to her.

Moreover, when confronted with the opportunity to let Yuchun die in her place, and fool Baoxiang into thinking that Zhu Yuangzhang has been defeated, Zhu genuinely struggles with the choice and eventually chooses a plan that will spare Yuchun.

When Madame Zhang finally seems to realize that what she's won wasn't worth what she paid for it, Zhu, who has been acting as her servant for the last month, stays to speak with her, rather than immediately rush to killing the Great Khan.

"Madame Zhang, on the gallery where the Great Khan had left her, collapsed like a discarded puppet. She knelt, weeping in rage and despair. This was Zhu's chance to slip away, while Madame Zhang was consumed by emotion, and head back to the Palace City.

But she didn't. An unfamiliar feeling held her there with the weeping woman." (Chapter 23)

She chooses to linger in this scene of her "mistress'" despair and try to offer her a hand of human connection. It's a shocking display of empathy from someone who has never shown a drop of it prior to the preceding chapter or two.

The Dadu infiltration culminates in the final act of the book, where Zhu chooses, of all things, mercy. Instead of killing Wang Baoxiang, the only one who now stands between her and the throne, to whom she has no attachment at all, Zhu lets him live. In spite of all the things he's done, she sees Baoxiang's pain, and even as he's given up and cowers on the floor in front of her with her blade poised, she chooses mercy.

Her shift isn't only because of Ma, either. Part of the reason she's drawn to Ma is because of Ma's empathy and kindness, and she sees those values lacking in herself. But Ma's been with her a long time, and it still isn't until this late in the story that she finally starts understanding. She comes to see for herself the value of caring for others, even strangers, and she finally chooses that kinder way that Ma hoped she would.

In the final act of book 1, Zhu kills a defenseless child for the sake of her own political greatness. In the final act of book 2, Zhu allows her greatest rival and threat to her to walk away. It's a fascinating arc to see unfold.

After two renewals, I've finally managed to make it through Kerstin Hall's fantasy adventure Asunder. This book concerns Karys Eska, a young woman who bound herself to an efferit (demon) in exchange for the power to speak to the dead. She has somewhat unintentionally bound herself to a dying young man, Ferain, who now exists as her shadow. The main plot is trying to separate them without killing either of them.

Please excuse misspellings of names, places, and terms--I listened to the audiobook so I'm guessing here.

Asunder starts from a relatively strong place, and its world-building is very interesting. I think it does a neat thing with the competing sources of magical power, which gives real weight to the opposing schools of magic. The OG magical powers-that-be, the bhatuma, have been overthrown in Karys' home country, and folks like Karys can now compact with and draw power from the new kids on the block, the efferete. You all know I don't care much for hand-holding in SFF, and Hall does make you learn as you go with her complex world, but I think it works and I never felt truly lost or unable to understand the plot. There are lots of fun fantasy things, like the giant hand elevators, and the dimension-warping spiders, that are simply never explained, and I enjoy that. What's fantasy if everything is explained? That's just science!

However, there are a lot of other things that just fell flat for me.

I'm all for unlikeable or complicated protagonists, but Karys wore on me after 20 hours. Her character makes sense, in that someone who's been on her own virtually her whole life likely would be inclined to Karys' attitudes, but it was just exhausting after a while, partly because she doesn't change at all throughout the story. She warms up to Ferain eventually, but her relationships with Wynola and Haeki are pretty much the same at the end as at the start, her views on the world and herself don't change, her opinions of past events remain the same...she's almost completely static. Throughout the novel she remains withdrawn, touchy, independent to the point of being irritating, unwilling to help others and baffled by anyone who feels otherwise, and eager to rip into anyone who sets off her temper.

Ferain is regrettably flat. It's obvious he exists solely for Karys to love him; and how could she not? He's infinitely patient, kind, witty, in touch with his feelings and open about them, adept at reading people so Karys never has to actually explain how she's feeling, worldly, and wholly lacking in class prejudice despite being raised in wealth. Ferain never once starts a fight with Karys or even snaps back when she loses her temper with him, which is pretty astounding given that he's trapped in her mind for weeks and it's alleged this situation causes him pain, or at least discomfort. Like Karys, Ferain remains static throughout the novel. Despite the fact that a minor fuss is made about Karys discovering that Ferain is actually a very slick liar, nothing ever comes of this between them; Karys never truly suspects Ferain might be lying to her about something (and he never does).

I do think Hall does something interesting with Haeki and Karys' dynamic, both being from a small town and then thrust out into the world. Haeki's insecurities make perfect sense, particularly as she and Karys now find themselves on opposing sides of the bhatuma/efferete divide. They have a really crunchy interplay of obviously loving each other, and knowing each other as only two people who grew up together can, but having that relationship soured by adult-life events like jealousy, bitterness, and mistrust. However, some kind of resolution or growth in this relationship would have been nice to see. As noted, they finish about where they started.

These characters are meant to be in their late 20s, but they are immature for their age, and the story often comes off with a YA patina, which I didn't care for. Their behavior and dialogue often feels younger than their stated ages.

A story like this pretty much lives and dies off the dynamic of its main duo, and I unfortunately just did not find Karys and Ferain's relationship compelling. It just didn't move me at all, perhaps partly because Karys seems so genuinely pissed and uncomfortable at having Ferain around most of the time, which results in a lot of his cringing about existing where he's not wanted, and it takes a long time for this dynamic to shift at all. Because the platonic element never took off for me, the romance felt trite. At least if they had ended without that, it could have been an interesting queerplatonic partners angle or something, but of course they start crushing. Beyond me how Ferain is willing to give his life for Karys after what the last few weeks have entailed. It also doesn't even begin to emerge until the novel is at its 80% mark, and it changes basically nothing about the plot, which makes it feel like even more of a last-minute add-on.

There are side plots that go nowhere (what was the deal with Rasko's package?) and in retrospect feel like bloating in an already long novel.

I will credit Hall for not overplaying her hand with Sebaster. It would have been easy for her to push him more into the story, resulting in villain decay, but by keeping him a constant threat on the edges who we rarely actually encounter, she keeps him scary. His relationship with Karys is interesting too; the efferete come off suitably inhuman and Sebaster seems almost incapable of understanding human feelings or motivations. Despite the monstrous end he intends for Karys, he seems to genuinely respect and care for her.

The ending did not land for everyone, but I didn't mind it. It felt pretty true to the vibes of this universe and I don't mind a conclusion that implies the protagonist immediately setting off on another adventure. There are rumors Hall intends a sequel; I don't care and I won't be reading it. This was more than enough for me.

Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon (2000)

A classic! Such a classic it's one of those films where I went "well I have to watch this someday" and then forgot about it. But I saw it at the library the other day and obviously the stars had aligned. I saw maybe a single scene from this as a little kid, and the only thing that stuck with me was the extremely hokey special effects. And yes, they are hokey. But the practical effects--the actual fight sequences--are incredible. The women especially; they're moving so fast and with so much force I was amazed. I've done some minor staged choreography; I can only imagine how much practice the actors in this film went through.

I had so much fun with this movie. It was a fun story with some beautiful cinematography and enough humor to lighten things up. The understated love story between Shu Lien and Li Mu Bai got me too TT_TT Great work, I would totally watch this again.

Conclave (2024)

I completely missed that this film takes place in the modern era and had a jumpscare watching a cardinal walk alongside a road of modern cars. I saw the assembled clergy on the front and just assumed we were going to be in the 15th century. Peering into an insular society is always fascinating, isn't it? Cardinal Lawrence is in charge of running the papal conclave after the pope's death and he has to balance a seemingly ever-increasing number of things. Not only how to modernize the church without pushing its more conservative elements into outright rebellion, but how to manage the church's increasing (though some would say far too slowly, while others whine too quickly) diversity and make sure leadership reflects the congregations, where to grant grace and forgiveness and where transgressions warrant punishment, and of course, who to vote for.

Conclave makes able use of a strong cast and a believable variety of characters. It's easy to find yourself getting sucked into the internacine drama before other events of the film force you to remember the outside world still exists. Beautiful scene-setting and camera work; wonderful crescendos of tension; masterfully done.

Petite Maman (2021)

This French film is one of the sweetest movies I've seen in a long time. It focuses on an eight-year-old girl whose grandmother has just passed; she and her parents go to grandma's old house to clean it up for sale, and while adventuring in the woods, she encounters her mother at eight years old. This movie so perfectly taps into that sense I think a lot of kids have of wanting to have known your parents at your age, and feeling that you would understand them better if you had known them as kids.

The two girls are captivating to watch and they stand in this really interesting place of still being very little, but still beginning to develop a deeper understanding of the world and themselves. They have some profound thoughts which don't come off precocious or out of place for an eight-year-old.

It's also a touching mother/daughter story, and it's clear both that Marion (mom) loves her daughter, but obviously struggles with a lot of mental illness. Nelly (daughter) is thus particularly keen to understand her sometimes sad and distant mother, and already she is old enough to notice those things her mother is struggling with and worry about it. (A young Marion even seems aware, already, that there is a sadness in her she can't fix.) Yet it's not a story about Marion neglecting her daughter because of her own problems, but of their commitment to reaching out to each other across Marion's struggles and reach a place of mutual understanding.

When the Mountains Tremble (1983)

This is a Guatemalan documentary about the Guatemalan civil war. It is produced almost entirely of real footage (there are 3 or 4 reenacted scenes, but the film tells you at the start which ones those are) and focuses mainly on the on-the-ground experience of the war. If you don't already have at least a skeletal understanding of the civil war, you are probably going to be confused. This doc doesn't explain much about the events, but it does really dig into the experience of the everyday people involved, especially indigenous Guatemalans, who were the chief victims of the government's repressive response to labor agitation.

Although it's not the best place to start if you don't know anything about Guatemalan history yet, I think this documentary is important. There were truly horrific acts carried out by the Guatemalan government (supported by the United States), particularly against indigenous peoples, and the history of this war goes a long way to explain the struggles Guatemala is having today. It is also a chance for those who suffered under the military junta to have their stories heard and for this history to become more widely known.

This movie is available for free on Youtube (linked above), it's about 90 minutes in Spanish and Kiche with English subtitles or interpretation..

"The other thing, and this is going to hurt you, is that it's imperative that you kill Jedao if it looks like he's going mad or he's about to betray your mission."

He was right. It hurt her. She stumbled off the treadmill because her legs stopped working, and tumbled to the floor with a thump...The Nirai had been watching her reaction. He was smiling, making no effort to hide his amusement.

"It will pass," Jedao said softly.

-- Ninefox Gambit, chapter 4

"'My attention wandered'?" Cheris said, remembering his smile when she had fallen off the treadmill. "The Nirai has peculiar ideas about entertainment," Jedao said without any particular inflection.

-- Ninefox Gambit, chapter 5

Jedao looked up from his card game...When he wasn't playing card games, he exercised, as though through sheer effort he could overcome his thorough clumsiness.

-- Revenant Gun, chapter 3

Jedao gathered up his cards and began shuffling them. He almost dropped the deck twice. The hexarch observed this with a curious mixture of exasperation and pleasure.

-- Revenant Gun, chapter 3

"Good. You're going to be great at this. I'm the one who has to not fuck up."

Hemiola did not find this reassuring, especially since it remembered Jedao in earlier incarnations stumbling about Tefos Station, or banging into corners, or that one time he tripped over the hexarch's foot and went sprawling. The hexarch had been quite tolerant of this.

-- Revenant Gun, chapter 10

"Whenever you visited Tefos," it said, not knowing a more tactful way to phrase the question, "you were always clumsy. Here, though--"

"I'm not?"

"Yes."

"Kujen liked to put Jedao in clumsy bodies," Cheris said simply. "It was a simple enough modification on his end. Psych surgery isn't the only kind of medical intervention he's versed in. He liked reminding Jedao of what he'd lost."

-- Revenant Gun, chapter 20

#he's sooooo petty jfc
#kujen the playground bully laughing whenever someone trips on the blacktop
#taking jedao out of the cradle so he can watch him drop shit and run into things and need help with basic tasks
#and then pretending to be oh so patient with his clumsiness!!!! JFC!!

Fandom: Machineries of Empire

Relationships: Jedao & Rodao, Jedao & nieces

Summary: Rodao and the kids decide to surprise Jedao at his awards ceremony. Naturally, it's a disaster.

AO3 | tumblr | Pillowfort

Excerpt:

Rodao has the pleasure of seeing his little brother’s mouth drop open in surprise.

“Ro!” he exclaims, immediately breaking away from the conversational group. Rodao does not miss how they fall silent, watching Jedao rather than continuing to talk without him. Then Jedao’s eyes move lower, and his face breaks open in a smile. “And the whole litter! Hello, little kits!”

Esen never could grasp why Ouyang might choose to keep himself apart, and why he lived with an austerity that bordered on monasticism. Most men who had risen so dramatically in station delighted in luxury, and Ouyang knew Esen would have gladly given him anything he wanted. But what did a eunuch soldier need other than weapons and armor? Ouyang thought of the abbot's scorn, Altan's curses. Creature. Thing. A tool that needed nothing, had no desires of its own.

-- She Who Became the Sun, chapter 5

Zhu saw Ma examining her from under her eyelashes as she drank the milk. It was a vexed look, as if she were convinced there was something else happening under Zhu's monkly naïveté, but she couldn't tell what it was. Still, she was the first person in the Red Turbans who had seen that much.

-- Chapter 9

Contrary to his father's assertions, Esen did remember. It was only that in his memory it had happened to someone else. Ouyang was so much a fixture in his life that he seemed devoid of any past other than the one he shared with Esen. It was only now that he was forced to see that memory truly, and acknowledge that Ouyang and that child were one and the same.

-- Chapter 8

[Ma] remembered the strange jolt she'd felt when she'd seen him [Zhu] kneeling before Little Guo on his first day in Anfeng. How, just for an instant, he'd seemed like someone who knew exactly what he was gambling, and why.

-- Chapter 9

Esen never meant to hurt, and Ouyang had always taken care to pretend matter-of-fact acceptance about his exclusion from family life. Why should he blame Esen for not reading his mind to see the anger and pain there? But the truth was: he did blame Esen. Blamed him even more than he would a stranger, because it hurt more that someone so beloved should not see the truth of him.

-- Chapter 10

And riding on his bad-tempered Mongol horse at the head of the procession was Monk Zhu himself. An unprepossessing little figure in robes instead of armor. From Ma's elevated perspective his circular straw hat made him look like a lopped stump. It was hard to believe someone like that had done the impossible. But even as she thought it, Ma remembered him saying I. It hadn't been the speech of a monk detached from earthly concerns, but that of someone keenly aware of his own interests. Someone with ambition.

-- Chapter 11

"Let me make an offering on your behalf."

"You're confusing your own opinion of me for your father's. I don't think his spirit particularly wants to hear from me."

"He thought highly of you," Esen said stubbornly. "My father didn't suffer fools. Would he have allowed you as my choice of general if he didn't believe in your capabilities? The reputation of the armies of Henan would be nothing if not for you. Of course he wants your respect."
...
The corner of Ouyang's mouth moved, more brittle than a smile. The shadow across his face was too transparent to mask pain. Esen thought: He mourns too.

-- Chapter 15

"You recognized it because you want something too. No one else knows, do they?"

"Knows what?" His [Zhu's] face flickered, and for one irrational moment she [Ma] felt afraid. She said, less certain, "You didn't accidentally stumble into Anfeng. You came here on purpose."
...
Out loud, it sounded preposterous. Monks weren't supposed to want things. They weren't supposed to have ambition. And yet--

After a moment, Zhu said, "You know what else no one knows?"

"What?"

He smiled at her. Ordinary eyes in an unhandsome face; it was strange how they captured her. "That you're smarter than all of them put together. You're right. I did come."

-- Chapter 11

Esen groaned. "Ah, how much easier life must be without family. Clean. None of these worries, concerns, encumbrances." Intoxicated, Esen was over-enunciating. Ouyang, staring at him in pain, saw anew the reminder of what he had always known: that Esen had forgotten that Ouyang had come from a family; that he had once been a son, a brother, too. "Better I should be like you, loving only my sword, none of this--this--"

-- Chapter 15

"It is," he [Zhu] said. "But you know what's worse than suffering? Not suffering, because you're not even alive to feel it." An incoming draft stirred the air, blurring the thin lines of incense smoke. His eyes flicked to her [Ma], and she startled. He sees me, she thought, and the peculiar intensity of it made her feel like she was being seen for the very first time.

-- Chapter 12

But Ouyang hadn't done his best. He hadn't even tried...Esen's sympathy cut Ouyang's pride to the quick. He knew Ouyang better than anyone. How could he really believe that had been his best effort? All it showed was that Esen had forgotten the most important thing about him: that he was a Nanren.

-- Chapter 18

All at once the performance slipped off his [Zhu's] face. He was a short man, so that they were looking eye-to-eye; it gave the moment a shocking intimacy, as though something of his inner self was touching something of hers. He said gravely, "You're working so hard to help Little Guo. Does he even know?"

How was it he saw her as someone who acted of her own volition, when to everyone else she was just an object performing its function?

-- Chapter 13

Esen's voice took on a note Ouyang had never heard before, low and roughened with potential, as he said, "You really are as beautiful as a woman."
...
He had betrayed Esen, but now Esen betrayed him. It was incomprehensible how despite everything they had been through together, Esen could still think Ouyang might be flattered by that comparison. How could he be so completely ignorant of the shame that was the core of Ouyang's being? Burning with an emotion that seemed to contain the agonies of both love and hate, Ouyang thought furiously: He chooses not to know.

-- Chapter 15

[Zhu] set aside his book and rose, and started to untie his shirt. It was so bizarre that Ma found herself watching...She heard his clothes fall.

Then his cool fingers were on her face, turning it back. He said, "Look."
...
Zhu watched her look. Her face had a flayed vulnerability, something so raw and terrible that Ma flinched to see it. It made her think of someone baring a mortal wound they dared not look at themselves, for fear of reality undoing them in an instant.

Zhu spoke calmly, but beneath the surface Ma sensed a shivering horror. "Ma Xiuying. Do you see something you want?"

-- Chapter 14

Ouyang, watching Esen with an ache in his heart, realized afresh that Esen had never been able to understand the values that made other people's worlds different from his own. He looked but he couldn't see.

-- Chapter 22

Zhu smiled at her. "I don't even know who I am. General Ouyang killed Zhu Chongba, but I'm not the person I was born as either. How can you know who you're cherishing?"
...
"I might not know your name," Ma said, taking Zhu's hand. "But I know who you are."

-- Chapter 19

Esen stopped dead. Cold terror crushed his chest. "What have you done."
...
Baoxiang coughed, his face reddening, but he maintained his composure. "Oh, you think--? No, brother. This isn't my plot against you."
...
"No," said Ouyang. "It's mine."

-- Chapter 22

The depth of Ma's grief and anger surprised her...The witnesses gone, Ma's tears overflowed. "You killed him."

Zhu was silent. Ma, reading her face, exclaimed, "You don't even deny it!...The only thing you needed him for was to hand you power...But you don't need him for that [the Mandate], do you?" She said bitterly. "Because you have the Mandate too."

-- Chapter 23

There was a long silence. Eventually Esen said, his voice cracking, "Why are you doing this?"
...
"Why? Do you want me to tell you why? I was nearly twenty years by your side, Esen, and for all that time did you think I'd forgotten how your father slaughtered my family, and his men cut me like an animal and made me your slave? Do you think for a moment I forgot?"

-- Chapter 22

Zhu heard the unflinching demand in Ma's voice: for Zhu's own loyalty, and honesty, and difference. As Zhu stood looking down at her, she saw suddenly how their journey would go...for Ma, every moment of that ascent would be compromise and heartache and the gradual erosion of her belief that there was always a kinder way. That was the price Ma would pay--not just for Zhu's desire, but for her own. Because she loved Zhu, and wanted to see her rule the world.

Zhu's heart ached. I'll make it worth it. For both of us.
...
"My future Empress," she called, and the words left her throbbing with the sweet potential of what was to come.

-- Chapter 23

I found it very interesting how Ma and Zhu's relationship is premised so heavily on their really seeing each other in a way no one else ever does (which is part of how it survives the murder of the Prince of Radiance), while the true fatality in Esen and Ouyang's relationship is Esen's inability or unwillingness to truly see or understand Ouyang.

I'm back with more Machineries of Empire rambling. Today I blasted through Yoon Ha Lee's short story anthology, Hexarchate Stories, all of which are set in the Machineries of Empire series. This review does contain spoilers.

If you loved the original trilogy, this is definitely worth a read. If you were ambivalent about the main trilogy, you might not find this one worth it. It's definitely less polished than the main series, but I enjoyed how each one came with a little author's note from Lee, which gives us some insight into their creative process and decisions made while putting the series together.

About half the book is flash fiction; little scenes, often Jedao-focused but not always, that don't have any real plot or significance. They're just a glimpse into the lives of the characters we've come to know. There are three stories here with weight: Extracurricular Activities, where a younger Jedao has a caper investigating a heptarchate traitor; Candle Arc, which is a brief telling of the story of Jedao's miraculous victory in the Battle of Candle Arc (referenced in the main trilogy); and Glass Canon, which is the "real" ending of the main story, in my view.

Of these, Glass Canon is the one to focus on. At about 115 pages, it sits in an awkward position of being quite long for an actual epilogue to Revenant Gun, but also quite short to be its own standalone publication. It would not surprise me if this entire anthology came about as a way to publish Glass Canon, because it is obviously intended as the true ending of the main story.

On the whole, I enjoyed Glass Canon and it ties up a lot of the threads I felt were left hanging at the end of Revenant Gun. This is the first time Cheris and Jedao have really interacted since the end of Ninefox Gambit and it was great fun to see them together again, even if they are in an awkward position. They never really became friends, and neither of them trusts the other, but they also understand each other in a way no one else in the hexarchate really can, and they are, technically, co-revolutionaries.

I was also pleased to see my feeling at the end of Revenant Gun that Cheris could not be happy settling down teaching gradeschoolers math was correct.

The one issue I had with this story was how much it rests on Vestenya Ruo. Jedao Two's fixation on Ruo makes sense because his memories end in the middle of his friendship with Ruo and when his crush was, at that time, unresolved. But Cheris/Jedao's frequent thoughts of an adolescent friend and crush he knew for less than a calendar year make far less sense, because this Jedao lived 30 years past Ruo and had many other lovers, friends, and relationships since. Gized, who saved Jedao's life and was far more a part of his adult life, gets a single mention. His family doesn't really come up at all.

I interpreted the original trilogy that Jedao's decision to revolt against the heptarchate and bring it down was the result of a cumulative life of seeing the cruelties and injustices of the system; Glass Cannon says actually it was all just a response to Ruo's suicide, which seriously weakens the narrative in my view. I understand Ruo occupies a special and sentimental place in Jedao's heart, but to make this on-again-off-again teenage boyfriend the core of his motivation for 400 years of suffering and revolution is not believable. Then again, maybe I'm being nit-picky and maybe I'm particularly sensitive to this niche complaint after what Dragon Age did with Solas and his motivations for revolution against the unjust powers-that-be.

That aside, if you're into whump, Glass Cannon is a feast. Jedao is never not getting the shit walloped out of him, physically or emotionally.

Cheris' cold and unsympathetic reception to him really rings hard when you consider she's still carrying around Jedao Prime, a man whose self-loathing is so intense it nearly caused Cheris to kill herself when they were anchored together. Watching Cheris rip into Jedao Two over his and Kujen's sex life is poisonously fascinating if you view it as Jedao Prime taking the opportunity to castigate himself over what he sees as his own moral failings and weaknesses.

It also throws another complication into the relationship between Dhanneth and Jedao Two, one that makes perfect sense. The idea that Dhanneth's true feelings towards Jedao Two bled through in the form of arguably permissible violence which Jedao Two did not clock as abuse hits hard. It also emphasizes how much both of them were victims of Kujen; if they victimized each other in the process, neither of them were acting as they would have been without Kujen's involvement.

RIP Jedao Two, but I am delighted to have Jedao Prime back, and I give big kudos to Lee because you can feel the moment Jedao Prime comes back online. Lee does a great job differentiating between them; while Jedao Two is strongly comparable to a young Jedao--particularly evident through the flash fiction that proceeds Glass Cannon in the anthology--the shift in attitude, behavior, and voice when Jedao Prime takes over again is clear. We are no longer looking at the effective 19-year-old who's been bumbling through the last 100 pages; the wariness, maturity, and paranoia of 45- + 400-year-old Jedao are back, yet you can see how that teenage boy becomes the man we're accustomed to.

The final tragedy of the story, to me, is that Jedao, a man whose life has been largely characterized by crippling loneliness and pervasive, active suicidality, is now immortal and virtually indestructible, and he's the only one. He alone in the world is immortal, and has no way out, no friends, and no family. Quite possibly the most painful ending for him imaginable, because there is no end. His life has been so defined by his insistence on perseverance through his own suffering for his end goals--his mantra throughout Glass Cannon "It's only pain," drives this home--now has no choice but to endure, indefinitely.

The anthology ends on what is clearly a set-up for more, though it's unclear at this time whether Lee actually intends to write more in this universe. If so, I'd be thrilled! Getting to see Jedao and Cheris on more adventures would be fantastic.

As if spilling some hard-won secret into the closeness between them, he [Zhu] said, low, "Learn to want something for yourself, Ma Xiuying. Not what someone says you should want. Not what you think you should want. Don't go through life only thinking of duty. When all we have are these brief spans between our nonexistences, why not make the most of the life you're living now? The price is worth it."
...
But in the same instant she saw the raw truth of him, she realized that was all it was: something that was true for him. A man could want anything the world offered and have a chance, no matter how small, of achieving it.
...
She rose to leave. "Maybe all your suffering is worth whatever it is you want to achieve," she said bitterly. "But mine wouldn't be."

-- Chapter 12

It couldn't have been real--it was absurd to think a man could feel for a woman--but somehow it was enough to dissolve her anger in a tide of pain. It hurt so much she gasped with it. Stop doing this to me, she thought, anguished, as she turned and fled. Don't make me want to want.

-- Chapter 13

Zhu spoke calmly, but beneath the surface Ma sensed a shivering horror. "Ma Xiuying. Do you see something here you want?"
...
With a sensation of vertiginous terror, Ma felt the rigid pattern of her future falling away, until all that was left was the blankness of pure possibility. She took Zhu's small, calloused hand and felt its warmth flow into her until the hollow space of her chest blazed with everything she'd never let herself feel. She was yielding to it, being consumed by it, and it was the most beautiful and frightening thing she'd ever felt. She wanted. She wanted everything Zhu was offering with that promise of difference.
...
She said, "Yes."

-- Chapter 14

[Zhu] groped at Ma's waist for the tie that held her dress closed. It would only take a tug to undo, even for an awkwardly left-handed person. "You know, Yingzi," she said huskily. "I know how the business of rain and clouds works well enough, but I've never actually done it. I suppose we could figure it out together, if you wanted."

In answer, Ma put her hand over Zhu's and pulled, and her dress fell open. Underneath she was gorgeous and glowing and sweating, and as she helped Zhu work her dress over her shoulders she said, smiling, "I want it."

-- Chapter 19

(emphasis added)

Current Mood: loved

Flinging myself into the sun over Chaghan's death and its impact on Esen and Baoxiang.

The night before Chaghan's death, Baoxiang and Chaghan have a really awful fight, where Chaghan draws his blade on Baoxiang (who is unarmed); whether or not he would have actually killed Baoxiang if Esen hadn't intervened is unclear. (Chapter 12)

Esen found himself without anything to say. Up until this moment he had truly believed that if Baoxiang would just try, he could still be the son Chaghan wanted. But now he knew it had always been impossible.

As if reading his mind, Baoxiang said simply, "See?"

The next day, after the hunt, when Baoxiang is refused a horse on his father's orders, they fight again (Chapter 12):

Lord Wang met his eyes, pale and defiant. "So am I to find out by happenstance, from the servants, that my own father has disowned me?"

Chaghan said coldly, "Your father? I thought I had made it clear that you've lost any right you had to use that name. Would that my sister had died before getting you! Get out of my sight! Get out!"

Yet, seconds later, when Chaghan is in danger (Chapter 12):

"Father!" Lord Wang's voice was shrill with horror as he threw himself lengthwise into the dirt at the edge, heedless of his silks...He saw the two reaching hands grasp. The cords in Lord Wang's neck stood out with the effort as he shouted, "General, help!"

Even after these two horrific fights they've had, even after years of Chaghan making it clear he regrets adopting Baoxiang and the thousands of implicit and explicit ways he's told Baoxiang he thinks he's worthless, Baoxiang still sees Chaghan as his father. When Chaghan is in danger, even immediately after Chaghan has publicly disowned him, Baoxiang does not hesitate for a second to rush to Chaghan's aid.

Yet as Esen looks at Baoxiang in the aftermath of this event, of their father's death, his mind almost immediately turns to suspecting Baoxiang let Chaghan die. Yes, Ouyang had sowed the seeds of that thought, but Esen is the one willing to believe, almost immediately, that Baoxiang let this happen on purpose.

When they return to Anfeng for Chaghan's funeral, Esen bars Baoxiang from attending. (Chapter 15)

He [Esen] strode to the doors and flung them open, stepping out into the diffuse brightness of the hot pearl sky. The empty courtyard echoed with the memory of those hundreds of people in white. But today there was only one figure there. From a distance Wang Baoxiang's elaborate white drapery and drained face had all the humanity of a carved piece of jade.

On the day of his father's funeral, Baoxiang stands alone outside in the courtyard because Esen will not allow him to attend the ceremony, because Esen has already become so wholly convinced that Baoxiang let their father die.

The first time Esen and Baoxiang speak after this incident, Esen makes the following observation. This occurs as Esen sits at his father's desk for the first time, trying to get a grip on running the household he now heads (chapter 15):

His [Baoxiang's] fine-boned Manji features seemed more prominent, and there were shadows under his eyes. Under his familiar brittle smirk, there was something as pale and secretive as a mushroom.

The very first thing he does in their first post-Chaghan confrontation is to highlight Baoxiang's foreignness. His otherness. Esen is full-blooded Mongol. Baoxiang is not. Esen doesn't even think of him as Nanren, but as Manji. Barbarian. And in this moment, when Esen regards him full-on for the first time since suspecting him of killing their father, he thinks Baoxiang's foreign features are "more prominent."

Of course, they fight (chapter 15):

Esen slammed back his chair. "You dare speak of him to me!"

"Why?" asked Baoxiang, advancing. His voice rose. "Why can't I speak of our father? Do tell, is there something you think I did?"

...

"I don't admit anything! I don't need to! You've already made up your mind." Baoxiang grabbed the desk and held on..."No matter what I say, no matter what I do, both of you would think the worst of me. You slander me with ill thoughts I've never had--no, not even when he had me on my knees, and was cursing my very existence. You think I murdered him!"

It's a brutal, ugly, honest fight that's really gutting to read (kudos to SPC). It's not just that Esen suspects Baoxiang might have done it--it's that, as Baoxiang said, he's already decided Baoxiang did it. Without speaking to Baoxiang, without really considering any other option, he almost immediately reached for and settled on "Baoxiang killed our father out of resentment." It's how quick and willing Esen was--like Chaghan--to believe the worst of Baoxiang. He begins the entire encounter, as noted above, by mentally clocking that Baoxiang isn't like him or Chaghan. He's different. He's foreign. He's secretive.

We, the readers, were present at the moment of Chaghan's imperilment. We know that Baoxiang tried to save him, that in spite of Chaghan's abuse, he was desperate to bring him back to safety, but he failed. Esen, in absence of having seen it for himself, is ready to believe right off the bat that Baoxiang acted selfishly and viciously--and that, I think, is what really cuts him. That his own brother, probably the person he is closest to (which says a lot, given how little these two actually know each other...) is so quick to see the worst of his intentions.

Esen concludes this fight by disowning Baoxiang as Chaghan did days earlier (chapter 15):

Esen slammed his hands against the desk with such ferocity that it dealt a blow to Baoxiang and sent him stumbling...Esen heard the ugliness of his voice: it was his father's voice. "He was right about you. You're worthless. Worse than that: a curse. Rue the day this house took you in! Even if I have not the authority of the Great Khan, then at least my ancestors should witness the truth of my words in disowning your name. Get out!"

It takes Esen all of a handful of days to assume Chaghan's former relationship with Baoxiang. Where before he defended Baoxiang (not particularly zealously, but still) to Chaghan, now he echoes Chaghan's own words, the same words he knew had hurt Baoxiang so badly before.

It's crushing. We know they care about each other, we do. But in this time when they should be leaning together, to support each other in their grief, Chaghan's legacy has left them with this. Baoxiang at last is left with no allies, and Esen, although he doesn't know it, is left with no one to stand between him and Ouyang.

I've been re-reading She Who Became the Sun and man I do forget how intense it all is. Collected thoughts from tumblr posts

The dynamic with Esen, Ouyang, and Baoxiang all having grown up together and been raised by Chaghan is actually insane. It's no wonder every conversation between two or more of them feels like taking constant psyche damage. Ouyang, who is physically incapable of being the kind of man Chaghan wants and also is the son of a famous traitor and is Nanren to boot (no matter how well he strives for Mongol ideals); Baoxiang, who is half Nanren but also half Mongol yet simply refuses to even try to be the kind of man Chaghan wants (and isn't even Chaghan's real kid); and sandwiched between them, Esen, who with a minimum of effort is exactly the kind of man Chaghan wants but is utterly incapable of understanding how anyone can fail to be that kind of man. Of course Ouyang and Baoxiang can't fucking stand each other, and adore and resent Esen in almost equal measure. Chaghan could not have created a better pressure cooker for intra-familial violence if he'd done it on purpose.

Chaghan is so stupid man TT_TT He could have had it all, Esen kicking ass in the field and Baoxiang at home killing it on administrative management and they could have made Henan the only profitable province in the Yuan if he had just let both his sons do what they were good at. Instead he has to have a complex about Baoxiang not wanting to be in the army, and refuse to see any value in what he does for the Yuan. Everything Baoxiang says in his last fight with Chaghan is true! He does keep Henan running, far more than Esen and Ouyang with their armies! But Chaghan refuses to see that because he will only acknowledge one right way to be a Mongol, to be a man.

Sometimes I think about the fact that we literally never learn Ouyang's given name; that man's whole identity was his family and their legacy and it destroyed anything of him that was him alone. He never uses it no one else ever uses it. Did it matter to him? I would argue no but we don't know. Even after wining the tournament (quite handily) at the spring gathering and being presented to the Grand Khan himself, he elides his given name when introducing himself, choosing instead to use only his notorious family name.

Hellooo I've compiled playlists for The Radiant Emperor please enjoy (´▽`ʃ♡ƪ)

Ma Xiuying

i. Paradise Coldplay ii. Hideaway The Corrs iii. Human Gabrielle Aplin iv. Froot Marina and the Diamonds v. She Likes Girls Metro Station vi. Remembering an Old Friend Professor Liang Tsai-Ping vii. Just Like Heaven The Watson Twins viii. Hell to the Liars London Grammar ix. Daisy Karine Polwart x. Purple Bamboo Melody China Broadcast National Orchestra xi. Thus Always to Tyrants The Oh Hellos xii. Heartlines Florence + The Machine xiii. Flourished Dream (繁華夢) Isabelle Huang xiv. Quiet Lights

Ouyang

i. Wolf Totem The HU ii. Miracle Man Oliver Tree iii. Body Mother Mother iv. Bitter Fuck Joji v. Set Fire to the Third Bar Snow Patrol vi. IMNOTYOURBOYFRIENDBABY 3OH!3 vii. Snake Song Isobel Campbell viii. All that I’m Living for Evanescence ix. Flesh Simon Curtis x. Comatose Skillet xi. Cold (But I’m Still Here) Evans Blue xii. Down in a Hole Alice in Chains xiii. The Unforgiven Metallica xiv. Diggin’ my Own Grave Nik Ammar xv. Brutus Buttress xvi. Jingim Has Fallen Peter Nashel & Erik V. Haichikian xvii. Taking Over Me Evanescence xviii. Rage Valley Knife Party xix. Sad But True The HU

Wang Baoxiang

i. Alien Boy Oliver Tree ii. Hunger Florence + The Machine iii. Pompeii Bastille iv. Flamboyant Dorian Electra v. This is How to Be a Heartbreaker Marina and the Diamonds vi. Never Gonna Happen Lily Allen vii. Black Eyed Boy Texas viii. Theme of the Empress Shigeru Umebayashi ix. Constant Craving k.d. lang x. Galactic Mermaid マーメイド・シスターズ xi. Amsterdam Imagine Dragons xii. What You Know Two Door Cinema Club xiii. Therapy All Time Low xiv. Whisper Evanescence xv. Brother The Organ xvi. Lay My Body Down The Rag n' Bone Man

Zhu Chongba

i. Young Volcanoes Fall Out Boy ii. Looking Like This Lyre Le Temps iii. 般若波羅蜜多心經 Our Way to Attain Great Concentration iv. Cake by the Ocean DNCE v. Just Like Heaven The Cure v. Mantis Fighting Style Peter Nashel & Erik V. Haichikian vi. Centuries Fall Out Boy vii. Everybody Loves Me One Republic viii. I Think I’ll be their God Ryan Culwell ix. Its Mine – Mystery Skulls x. Death Favors No Man James Newton Howard

Now that I'm on a reread, it's time for "insane things from Cheris and Jedao's first meeting featuring an unnamed Nirai who is definitely Kujen" here we go

"You are a Kel, aren't you? You usually are." He [Jedao] added: "It's so easy to forget what colors look like."

His [the Nirai's] speech was plain, despite his beautiful voice, his verb forms almost disparaging.

"Should formation instinct have taken her so strongly?" Jedao said. He sounded deferential.

"Jedao," the Nirai said, "I trust she's satisfactory?"

"I'm your gun," Jedao said.

Cheris was nonplussed. A Kel might say that ceremonially to a superior, and even then only on the highest of occasions, but the irony in Jedao's voice suggested that something else was going on.

"Besides," Jedao added, "if she's like the others, she never had a substantive choice, and I didn't have one either."

"What defenses does the general have, sir?"

"He can talk to you," the Nirai said sardonically.

But the formation instinct was ebbing. She could think more clearly now.

"That's better," Jedao said. Was that genuine relief?

"'My attention wandered'?" Cheris said, remembering his smile when she had fallen off the treadmill.

"The Nirai has peculiar ideas about entertainment," Jedao said without any particular inflection.

Cheris frowned. Something didn't add up. "I appreciate the concern, sir." The word slipped out: habit.

"You weren't at the Siege of Hellspin Fortress," Jedao said. For the first time, his voice went completely flat.

"We're going to have to confront the Fortress sooner or later," Cheris said. "It might as well be sooner. With any luck, fewer people will die this way."

"Good," Jedao said crisply. "I'm glad we care about the same things."

In an emergency, if the general withholds necessary information, the carrion glass remnants can be ingested by a volunteer. Although this procedure is experimental, this will give the general a body so he can be tortured.

"Alright," Jedao said. "Setup...We're going to have to ask the Nirai to loan us a mathematical analyst--"

"I can handle that," Cheris said.

Sharp interest: "You're Nirai-trained?"

"I can request my profile for your perusal," she said.

"I'd like that, yes, but I want to hear it from you as well."

Cheris brought up her profile--the part of it she was allowed to see, anyway--and wondered which sections were inviting particular scrutiny...

"Fine," Jedao said after a disquieting silence. "Fourth display, review of available resources."

"If the Pale Fracture weren't a calendrical dead zone, they would almost be good enough to fuel a whole new wave of expansion."

"Don't get cocky," said the Nirai without looking up, "you have enough problems already."

"One could hope for some variety in opponents," Jedao said.

Cheris blinked. She didn't think she had imagined the chill in his voice. But the Nirai's expression was serene, as if he hadn't heard it at all.

"Breaking the enemy has always been important." Yes, Cheris thought, but who is your enemy?

Incredible dynamic. Poor Cheris has no idea what she's standing in the middle of.

Fandom: Machineries of Empire

Summary: After the massacre at Hellspin Fortress, Garach Ledana is taken in for questioning.

AN: In Ninefox Gambit (chapter 8), Jedao tells Cheris he "was told" his mother was murdered while he was still being interrogated over Hellspin. I played around with that timeline a little so that she survives long enough to see him charged.

AO3 | tumblr | Pillowfort

Excerpt:

They make her watch the videos.

Fandom: Machineries of Empire

Pairing: N/A there's sex with an OC but it's not romantic

Summary: Jedao wanders off and makes a friend.

AN: This is so self-indulgent I almost didn't post it. Anyway Jedao is pathologically lonely and everyone hates him so he needs to talk to a stranger.

AO3 | tumblr | Pillowfort

Excerpt:
Wandering off was certainly a bad idea, in that it was going to piss off a lot of people, but Jedao breathing pissed off a lot of people these days. Brezan and Khiruev had argued strenuously (in the case of the former) or more diplomatically (in the case of the latter) that he should not be loosed on the city unaccompanied. Cheris had declined to web him to the ship for the duration of its docking.

Calling it quits on Fernando A. Flores' Brother Bronte today.

This just did not do it for me. I liked the premise and a lot of the weirdness and dystopia of the first section was interesting, but it was painfully plotless. Just when it felt like we were getting to an actual storyline, we jumped over to some barely related section that focuses on an author one of the protagonists really enjoys. Jazzmine Monelle's section killed it for me because it was incredibly boring and irrelevant to Neftali, and what I thought would be a short jaunt until we got back to Neftali and Proserpina turned out to be a good chunk of story.

Its purposeless weirdness cannot save it from the dullness of the overall experience.

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