Ambessa & Mel

[rocky41_7]

"Because you weakened me! I couldn't endure the look in your eyes whenever I made the decisions--the necessary decisions--to keep us safe!" (S1E9 "The Monster You Made")

It kills me because Ambessa admitting that Mel made her weaker is probably the biggest admission of love she could make. That Ambessa, who prides herself on her strength which she sees not only as a virtue, but a necessity, admitting out loud that Mel chipped away at that strength is revealing a significant vulnerability, which is a big deal for her. But to Mel, I think it just sounded like a slap in the face.

What Ambessa meant: I value your love and respect above my better judgement; you are so important to me you override my own logic, so I had to distance myself from you to avoid compromising my decision-making.

What Mel heard: I am nothing to my mother but a weakness to be excised; I am a vulnerability; I am a problem that had to be gotten rid of, pushed out of sight, out of mind.

They really do love each other--Ambessa revealing this here is revealing that she cares so much for Mel that it makes her vulnerable, and for someone like Ambessa, that would be terrifying. Note that in her words it's not just keeping Mel safe--it's that Mel disapproved of what Ambessa was doing. Ambessa wanted not just that Mel would be alive and well, but that Mel would love her. Watching Mel lose respect for her, watching Mel judge her choices as wrong or mistakes, made it difficult for Ambessa to commit to those decisions because she didn't want Mel to feel those things about her, even though she was doing what she believed was necessary.

For Mel, she has expressed again and again how hurt she was by Ambessa's decision to send her away. It's one of the first real vulnerabilities she shows to Jayce, after he comes to her about Viktor's illness. She reveals that she "fell short" of of "Medarda standards" and was sent abroad. Mel repeatedly describes this as "banishment." When she talks to Jayce, when she talks to Ambessa, you can see and hear how upset she is about the rift with her mother. No matter how much Mel has accomplished in Piltover, she always mentions how it's not enough to be considered an accomplished Medarda. She cannot let go of Noxus (exemplified in her massive painting of a Noxian harbor, the first thing we ever see her paint), and when she finally confronts Ambessa about sending her away, you can almost hear tears under the surface of her voice.

"I stopped being part of this family the minute you cast me out. Why? Why did you do it?"

Ambessa's perceived rejection of her hurts. Ten years later, it still hurts. Because she wants Ambessa to love her.

Ambessa and Mel love each other, but they also seem incapable of loving each other in a way that will be heard and understood by the other one. They are fundamentally such different people, with such different approaches to the world, that it's almost like they're talking different languages.

Crossposted from tumblr