Guilty not Remorseful

[rocky41_7]

Solavellanizing Never Love an Anchor again b/c like. come on.

On some level I think I always understood

That these hands of mine were clumsy, not clever

And I tried to do the best that I could

But try as I might I couldn't bring myself to hold you

For now the best gift I can offer is the truth. In another world...I can't, I'm sorry. Thus I freed the elven people--and in so doing, destroyed their world. But you lied to me. I loved you. Ir abelas, vhenan.

It’s a secret I keep tucked inside my chest

With this heart of mine that's guilty not remorseful

There is love that doesn't have a place to rest

But it would have buried you if it had settled on your shoulders

What would you have had me say? That I was the great adversary of your people's mythology? I would have had you trust me. Regrets I cherish more than victories.

On some level I think I always understood

That a ship could never really love an anchor

So, I did the only thing that I could

And severed the rope to set you sailing from my harbor

I have distracted you from your duty. If he does not wish to be found, we will not find him. I wish it could, vhenan. It was selfish of me to grow close to her.

There are times when I still wonder about you

You are someone I have loved but never known

And you’ll never see the reasons I had

For keeping my claws away when they were close enough to hurt you

I will never forget you. Dreams in which her lover watched her sadly from across an endless distance. Perhaps when you read this the world will be as it once was, and you will see why all I did was necessary. But I lied to you. I betrayed you.

I am selfish, I am broken, I am cruel

I am all the things they might have said to you

Fen'harel giggling madly in the darkness. I never said I would save you. You're Fen'harel. He's the god of lies, inquisitor. What would you have had me say? Did you really think I wouldn't have understood? What is the old curse? May the Dread Wolf take you? And so he did.

Do you ever think of me and my two hands

And wonder why they never soothed your fevers

And wonder why they never tied your shoes

And wonder why they never held you gently

And wonder why they never had the chance to lose you?

Tel abelas. I know you were cruelly disappointed when Solas left. Alone on the balcony. Every time she reached for him, he vanished into nothing. Maybe I'm the prideful one. Imagining his broken heart so I never have to face my folly: that I loved someone who made such grave mistakes. It won't be terrible if I'm with you. Bellanaris.